Uprooting Workplace Gossip: How Leaders Build Trusting Environments
Summary: Let's be real: workplace gossip isn't just an annoying habit, it's quietly destroying your team's trust and psychological safety. While most leaders try to tackle gossip case by case, that's like swatting flies when you really need to clean up the whole kitchen. In this article, we're going to explore why people gossip in the first place (hint: it's all about brain chemistry and unmet needs), and more importantly, I'll share three practical strategies that will help you create a workplace culture where gossip simply can't thrive. Think of it as pest control for your office, but instead of spray, we're using connection, accountability, and clear values.
Workplace Gossip: The Hidden Cost
We've all been there. Sharing something with a coworker in confidence, and somehow the whole office knows the next day. Or perhaps we have been on the other end. A coworker spilling the tea to us about someone else on the team and suddenly we think, "wow... what must they be saying about me when I'm not around?"
If we are being honest, most of us enjoy a little bit of juicy gossip, even if we don't like the one doing the gossip. That is a big part of the reason why reality TV exists. Nonetheless, it's hard to deny that we tend to walk on egg shells around people who frequently gossip. Like I said earlier, we start to wonder if one day we will be the subject of their gossip.
Workplace gossip is one of the silent killers of workplace culture because it destroys psychological safety and trust. It's hard to feel safe around the people you work with if you are not sure what things you say will become public forum, or if one day you will be the brunt of someone's joke. Furthermore, workplace gossip is probably one of the hardest behaviors for leaders to address because it often happens behind the scenes. Unless you catch it in the moment, there isn't much to speak to.
Thus when attempting to deal with workplace gossip, I encourage leaders to focus on cultivating an environment of respect, rather than addressing the gossip on a case-by-case basis. To illustrate this, let's think of gossip like a pest invading your house. If you only focus on killing the pest when you see it, you will probably never be rid of it. In fact, the bug or animal could actually be reproducing somewhere out of sight and making the problem worse. Thus we need to change the environment with things such as spray, and actually starving the pest of its food sources.
Leaders should approach workplace gossip the same way. Instead of worrying over every individual instance of gossip, focus on the big picture. What kind of values and etiquette need to be instilled that will starve gossip of its food sources, and promote opposing behaviors like respect, conflict resolution and open communication? However before we look at this big picture strategy, let's better understand why gossip happens.
Why Workplace Gossip Happens
As mentioned earlier, everyone enjoys a little gossip. In fact, a 1993 study found that males spend 55% of conversation time, and females spend 67% of conversation time talking about other people. It should be noted that not all gossip is negative. Most is neutral, and some can even be positive. For example, when you meet someone for the first time and they say, "I've heard nothing but good things about you." That can be a very empowering feeling.
However, negative workplace gossip can have very destructive consequences. Research has shown that workplace gossip negatively impacts employee mental health, erodes psychological capital, and reduces proactive work behavior. How should we think of negative gossip? This could include any gossip that is:
False or exaggerated
Not relevant or useful to the situation
Motivated by personal gain
Sabotaging relationships or reputations
Breaks the trust of another person
The one caveat I should say is that sometimes, sharing negative information about someone can be a way of protecting others from their behavior. In this case I would encourage the person sharing to make sure they have verified the information and are not speaking from personal bias. Furthermore, it is often better to approach the person directly first about the problem, and if that doesn't work, then to speak with their manager or supervisor.
When we think of negative gossip, it's important for us to remember that human behavior is not as complex as we often make it. Many of our day-to-day thoughts and actions are motivated deep down by baseline needs such as social validation, connection, feeling safe, being in control of our environment, etc. Many researchers theorize that this is a large part of the reason why people gossip. It helps address these needs through bonding with others we talk to, protecting ourselves by drawing attention to the flaws of others, and feeling a sense of control by having access to certain information.
Many leaders do not have awareness over the kind of environment their leadership style is creating at work and whether it is meeting these needs. In this case, we are more likely to see destructive and selfish behaviors such as silos, defensiveness, being uncooperative, and of course, gossip. Let's take a deeper look.
The Neuroscience Behind Gossip
In his book Leaders Eat Last, Simon Sinek unpacks the neuroscience of how certain brain chemicals influence our behaviors at work. Two chemicals that play a very important role are Oxytocin and Serotonin.
Oxytocin is sometimes nicknamed the "trust hormone" and functions in strong workplace bonds, collaboration and building trust. When team members demonstrate genuine care for one another, oxytocin is released, increasing trust and psychological safety. When team members feel protected and valued, oxytocin production increases, fostering deeper trust and encouraging collaborative behaviors. Of course, it's easy to see how negative workplace gossip can undermine the release of this hormone.
Serotonin on the other hand is released both when we see our team succeed and when we feel recognized and valued. Serotonin makes the sacrifices of leadership and helping others feel worthwhile. It's the chemical reward system that encourages people to continue putting others first. For team members, serotonin release through recognition and achievement strengthens their connection to the leader and organization.
The big catch here is that oxytocin and serotonin are both drastically hindered by the stress hormone Cortisol. So in high-stress environments, both of these hormones are lowered, leading to more selfish and defensive behaviors. Negative workplace gossip increases feelings of stress and decreases feelings of connection with others, creating a negative feedback loop. When people feel stressed and isolated from their team, they are more likely to gossip to gain control and build the connection their brain craves. However, this then reinforces the loop by promoting the very behaviors that contribute to the environment they are trying to get away from.
Thus in order to combat workplace gossip, leaders need to ask themselves the question: "how do I create an environment that is constantly promoting genuine care, connection and trust?" That is what will starve gossip of the food it needs to thrive. Here are some strategies to help you as a leader do this.
Strategies for your Workplace
1. Create Clear Etiquette for Behavior
Often we assume everyone has the same definition for respectful behavior, and that is not always the case. By creating clear standards of behavior, it not only gives your team a shared goal to aim for, but it empowers them to resolve conflict and have respectful confrontation by appealing to those shared values. So in this case you include something about workplace gossip. However, don't just focus on what not to do. Give your team something to aspire to. For example: "at this company, we build people up with our words, not tear them down." Then once you have created these standards, communicate them often. Your team will need to hear it multiple times before it sticks.
2. Get Comfortable with Having Difficult Conversations
The previous point will only work if you as a leader have clearly demonstrated that you will be quick to hold others accountable who do not follow those values. If you don't, then your team will adopt a mindset of, "I'm not doing your dirty work for you." The good news is that the more a leader demonstrates they will hold people accountable, the less they will have to. This needs to include everyone. Often at organizations, the highest performers get away with the worst behaviors because leaders are scared to have difficult conversations with them. However, you don't want to create an environment that constantly tolerates bad behavior, or is reliant on the production of a few bad apples. Thus the leader must be ready to model the behaviors they want to see, and hold those accountable who won't.
3. Foster as Much Human Connection as Possible
Part of the reason why it's so easy to get road rage is that over time we are trained to simply see cars, and not the people driving them. The less contact and connection individuals have, the easier it is to act without empathy. Conversely, the more close interactions we create, the harder it will be for others to gossip because they feel a strong sense of connection to that individual. This can include everything from regular socials and team building activities to even rearranging the office so people cross paths more often. Author Daniel Coyle unpacks this idea in his book The Culture Code with what he calls collisions. These are informal, spontaneous interactions that occur when team members "bump into each other" throughout their workday. The key here is to be intentional. Having fun together is important, but you also want to design activities that promote vulnerability and building awareness of others.
So there are a few strategies to get you started in uprooting workplace gossip from your workplace. The amazing thing here is that in doing this, you will actually address so many more problems than just gossip. You will actually supply many of the key ingredients needed to create cohesive, high-performing workplaces.
Of course, sometimes it's good to have some help in implementing these strategies, and that is something I work with organizations on. If you are a leader looking to create a strong workplace culture like the ones you heard about in this article, I would love to have a conversation about how I can help.
Go ahead and book a Free Discovery Call to get the process started!
