My Top Conflict Resolution Books
Summary: Conflict’s unavoidable, but it doesn’t have to be messy. In this article, I share why conflict resolution is such a foundational skill for leaders, and how the right tools (and mindset) can make a huge difference. I’ve rounded up five of my favorite books on conflict, from navigating tough conversations to understanding personality differences. Whether you’re leading a team or just want fewer blowups and more progress, there’s something in here for you.
Conflict Resolution is Foundational
We have heard it said there are 2 things in life that are inevitable: death and taxes. A mentor used to tell me there was a third… conflict. The more time I have spent working with organizations, the more I am convinced this is true. Perhaps this is also why conflict resolution is, and always will be, a foundational skill for leaders. I usually tell leaders that if you can manage conflict well (and I would include things like negotiation, confrontation, feedback, and difficult conversations in this), then you will be equipped to handle more than half the problems you will encounter as a leader. Sounds simple, but of course, we know it is not easy.
This is because conflict is often uncomfortable and unpredictable. Furthermore, our brains are somewhat hard-wired for “knee-jerk” reactions to conflict, rather than intentional responses. I explain more about this in an article I wrote on De-escalation in the Workplace.
That being said, there is an incredible capacity to help ourselves and our teams when it comes to healthy conflict in the workplace. Research has shown that when teams are taught just 1-2 go-to tools, they are much more successful in resolving conflict and more likely to attempt to do so on their own. That is a big reason why I love to offer training like my Conflict Reboot workshop. When we can gather a team together and give them a common language for resolving conflict, it can be a complete game-changer.
However, for those looking for some low-hanging fruit, I thought I would compile a short list of some of my favorite books for conflict resolution. While not all of these are directly related to conflict, they all provide important tools and strategies that are necessary for effective conflict resolution. So without further ado, let’s get to the list!
My Picks for Conflict Resolution Books
Kim Scott
If you have spent any time in the workplace, chances are you have seen to extremes in conflict: those who are obnoxiously aggressive, or those who are passive and overly accommodating. This book provides a simple but powerful framework for how we should approach conflict using 2 pillars of caring personally and challenging directly. What I love is how this model is so easy to understand and casts a compelling vision for how teams can approach conflict differently.
Big Takeaway: The best leaders build trust by caring personally and challenging directly. When you do both, you create an environment where people can grow, perform, and feel respected. Avoiding difficult conversations isn’t kind. It’s a missed opportunity to help someone succeed.
Thomas Erikson
This book is important because it explores the unique personality differences between individuals. The central message is that many workplace (and personal) conflicts come not from malice or incompetence, but from differences in how people communicate and process information. Thus, by understanding the core traits and needs of type, we can tailor our communication for better collaboration, fewer misunderstandings, and stronger relationships.
While tools are important, I am a firm believer that we need to be adaptable and understand the different personalities we are dealing with to be successful. That is why I use the Everything DISC model in many of my workshops, which is very similar to the framework Erikson uses in his book.
Big Takeaway: People aren’t difficult, they’re different. The key to effective communication is learning to adapt your style to match the person you’re speaking to, rather than assuming your way is the only way.
Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler
This book provides practical tools for staying calm, speaking honestly, and encouraging dialogue, even when the stakes are high. The key is creating psychological safety so everyone feels comfortable sharing their perspective. It’s rooted in the idea that how you talk during these moments can make the difference between progress and breakdown.
Big Takeaway: When conversations get tough, don’t choose between silence and aggression; choose dialogue. The ability to stay respectful and curious, even when it’s uncomfortable, is what turns crucial conversations into turning points instead of blowups.
Patrick Lencioni
Rather than focusing just on conflict, this book looks at the 5 key issues that derail teams and how to address them. One of these has to do with conflict, specifically how we deal with it. One of the revolutionary ideas Lencioni introduced was that conflict is not necessarily bad on a team and can be productive. In fact, healthy conflict is necessary for a high-performing team because it builds trust and helps everyone feel that their opinions are heard and valued.
This is a great video of Patrick explaining this concept more.
Big Takeaway: Productive conflict is the kind that revolves around ideas and concepts rather than interpersonal issues.
Roger Fisher & William Ury
This is a classic book on best practices for negotiation. It focuses on the concept of what is called Principled Negotiation; how to negotiate effectively while also protecting the relationship. This is important because every day, leaders need to negotiate with their team and then go back to work with those same people. So if one is constantly caving in or pushing for their own way, it can harm the culture and relationships in a workplace.
Big Takeaway: The best negotiations aren’t about winning or losing but understanding interests and creating solutions where everyone walks away feeling respected and satisfied. When you focus on interests, not just positions, you open the door to collaboration rather than conflict.
Helping you Build your Conflict System
These are a few great options to expand your conflict resolution toolbox. However, sometimes we need a little help in the implementation of these tools and strategies, and that is where coaching or group training can be very effective in helping your organization build out an effective conflict management system.
If you are looking to improve relationships on your team and equip them to handle conflict more productively, I offer several solutions. Go ahead and book a Free Discovery Call to get the process started!
